Listen On:
Jon Ngan was on the path many pastors might dream of—serving in one of Malaysia’s most influential churches, growing ministries, leading teams, and positioned for senior leadership. Yet, in the middle of outward “success,” Jon began wrestling with an inner unease.
In this episode, Jon Ngan talks candidly about:
👉 Navigating the tension between “what was” and “what’s next.”
👉 The dangers of measuring success purely by size and speed.
👉 Finding clarity and trust when the future feels uncertain.
👉 What God teaches us in seasons of hiddenness and rebuilding.
If you’re in a season of transition or asking deep questions about life, leadership, and calling, this conversation is for you.
Leading in a Fast-Paced, High-Impact Ministry
“Church is not just a place that you work in; it’s where you have your relationships, your community, your social gatherings. It’s so intertwined with who you are as a person.”
Jon describes his experience serving in a 4,000-member church in Kuala Lumpur—what many considered a “mega-church” in Malaysia. He started as a youth pastor, grew the ministry into multiplied services, led the worship team (despite being “not musically inclined”), and eventually joined the senior pastor’s office.
“For all intents and purposes, I was on track to become the senior leader—or one of the senior leaders.”
The Danger of Measuring Success by Size Alone
“Success is hard to define. We say we want to redefine what successful ministry looks like, but yet we can’t escape that human measure we often put on things.”
Jon reflects on the subconscious pull toward size and speed as indicators of success, something many fast-paced ministries struggle with:
“If 50 people leave, but 100 people come in, you just say, ‘Well, maybe those 50 weren’t part of God’s plan.’ But then you think about the parable of the lost sheep—Jesus leaves the 99 for the one. Are we really supposed to keep going like this?”
He describes the dynamic as “driving a tank through a suburban neighborhood—you’re getting where you need to go, but there’s collateral damage left behind.”
Restlessness and Wrestling: “There Has to Be a Better Way”
Amid the external success, Jon began to feel a deep, internal restlessness:
🤔 “Is there a better way?”
🤔 “What if we’re just keeping the machinery going and people are burning out?”
🤔 “I saw people leaving, getting hurt, burning out, but we just kept going. And I started asking: Is this really what ministry is supposed to look like?”
When Leadership Expectations Don’t Align with Values
Jon shares a pivotal moment when the expectations of ministry life were made explicit to him:
“If you want to go down this road, the church will be your life. Your family life will take a backseat. That’s the price of the kingdom, that’s the price of the calling.”
For Jon, this crossed a line:
“I am of the opinion that every church will always have a pastor, every company will always have a CEO, but my kids only have one father, and my wife only has one husband.”
Stepping Into the Unknown: “I Couldn’t Take It Anymore”
Amid mixed signals, a lack of clarity in leadership, and mounting stress during COVID, Jon made the decision to leave:
“I just couldn’t take it anymore. If I couldn’t get clarity in that environment, I decided to make my own clarity and leave.”
He admits it wasn’t an easy choice:
“I stepped from uncertainty into even more uncertainty, but at least now I could chart a path forward.”
Accepting God’s Invitation to Hiddenness
Jon describes the next season as one of hiddenness—a time when God invited him to slow down, reflect, and rebuild:
“There’s no need to put out content, no need to say something when you’ve got nothing to say. If you’re a seed planted, you need time to grow through the soil, take root, and let God do the inner work.”
For Jon, this season required humility and surrender:
“I don’t feel like I need to prove anything to anyone except myself. I don’t need to lead anyone or speak on every subject matter. I just need to focus on the hard, inner work God needs to do in me.”
Finding Clarity by Moving Forward
Jon’s advice for anyone feeling stuck or paralyzed by indecision? “You just have to move.”
“You have to keep going. The grace of God, the mercy of God—it will come through as you move. But you won’t get clarity if you stay stuck. Whether you’re mourning a loss, wrestling with restlessness, or searching for direction, just move.”
Tools, Coaching, and Personality Assessments
Reflecting on his own journey, Jon acknowledges the value of tools like coaching and personality assessments (like the Enneagram) to help process emotions and gain self-awareness:
“Personality tools give you benchmarks—what stresses you, what motivates you, what you’re good at. They’re just tools, but they’re helpful. For me, it’s about doing the hard work to understand yourself and your season.”
Final Thoughts: Let the Season Be What It Is
As Jon and Evan discuss, every season has its purpose, and comparison has no place in the journey:
“Let the season be what it is. Some are longer than others. There’s no comparison here—everyone’s journey looks different. But the deep work God invites you into is always worth it.”
Where to Connect with Jon Ngan
Jon isn’t actively building a platform right now—he’s still in his season of rebuilding and discovery.
“If people want to connect, just search my name, see what’s out there. But right now, I’m not looking to speak up, share, or build. This isn’t the season for that yet.”
Listen to the full episode above and share with anyone navigating their own season of transition. You’re not alone.
Everything just changed, now what?
In a season of transition, it’s hard knowing what to do next. Finding Your Way to Flourishing is your free guide to crafting your Next Step Statement so you can move forward with clarity and confidence.